Dirty Promises
by ChildOfDoom
Summary: Every good girl has a limit. Everyone breaks, sometimes. Hate is such a powerful thing, it can become poison. Pretty, deadly poison. KagomeXUndecided
1. Chapter 1: Breaking Hearts Of Black

**Dirty Promises**

Chapter one: Breaking Hearts Of Black.

* * *

I have long ago lost count of the times I've seen this.

His arms lock around her in a protective bubble I've never been quite enough to provoke. His lips are gentle on hers, as if he's afraid to hurt her. As if she wasn't already dead.

There are no words between them. There is only a bond, only promises, only things that bind them so deeply that he almost doesn't see me at all. Because I am not quite her.

It's funny that she's never truly loved him at all. It's funny that he's never loved anyone more. Or maybe he has. Or maybe he doesn't know what love is.

I do.

I did, to the very bottom of the broken pieces of my heart. The very pieces that try to bind themselves back together after every blow, only to get torn apart again. And again. And again.

It's true that every good girl has a limit. There is only so far that smiling and forgiveness can take you. Only so much you can hold inside yourself before it eats you inside out. Before it blinds you, twists you, breaks you.

Then, and only then, can you see clearly.

Only after everything around you falls apart.

* * *

This time, I do not run home and cry.

I waited all week for this. Waited for him to sneak away while everyone went to sleep. To find her, to hold her and kiss her. To confess how much it hurt to be without her.

I waited, and while some blind hope still lingered that he has changed, I waited to be disappointed.

It takes all of two minutes for me to find the place, to find my heart in pieces on the floor again. But I needed this.

Maybe I was growing up. Maybe I got tired of being kicked while I was down. Maybe I just wasn't the good girl everyone expected me to be from the beginning.

But this time, I did not cry.

I watched, memorized, and engrained every touch between them in my memory. To remind me of why I will do this.

My heart could take no more tearing.

As I watched him trail his lips down her neck, watched his hands explore her clay flesh, the good girl inside me died. The good girl, with the golden heart, who would never hurt anyone. It was time to stop playing the hero, I can't save the world, and I can't save myself.

Maybe I was meant to be the villain.

* * *

Back at the camp, I watch the stars and try to think of a reason as to why I shouldn't do it.

I can't think of a single thing, so instead I plan.

I fall asleep without tears coursing down my face. I am smiling when I wake up.

Later, I start coughing. By the end of the day, I am under full sick alert, and after gathering whatever is left of the supplies, I tell Inuyasha I'll be back in a week.

He argues, but I leave anyway.

As soon as I'm on the other side, I get to work.

* * *

I know exactly when he will come, and I am ready. My bag is packed, waiting in the closet.

My window is closed, but the curtains are not, so he can see me lying on the bed under a thin blanket, face turned towards the window.

My hair has red undertones in it now, setting of a healthy glow in my skin. I dabbed red lipstick on my lips, just barely. My eyelashes are longer, coated in black mascara. I stretch sleepily under the blanket, and seconds later, he knocks on the window.

I pretend to wake sleepily, and gracefully roll out of bed, unlocking the window and letting him jump inside.

He stares at me in surprise. I pretend not to notice his eyes as they trail over the new addition to my pj collection. A sheer pink and black spaghetti strapped dress that end just below my rear, with a black lace thong beneath it. It barely contains my chest, and with every exhale, his eyes jump back to watch it.

"You are early." I point out sleepily. He doesn't reply. I sigh, pretending to be upset, even though I expected to leave today. "I'll get my things." I say, and drag the bag out of the closet. I can feel his eyes on me, as I do this. I grab some clothes from a hanger in the closet and shut the bathroom door quietly. Quickly, I strip of the skimpy sheer dress, drop it in the laundry basket, and pull the low rise, skin tight jeans over the black thong. I know you can see it every time I bend forward even a little bit. I hook the corset styled bra, and slip an extremely small shirt over my shoulders. Earlier, I cut of 3 inches from the bottom, just enough to show toned, perfect skin between the top of my jeans and the bottom of the shirt, and cut a V in the shirt, to guarantee a perfect view of my breasts.

I say nothing when I come out. He has my bag in his claws, and he is watching me strangely, like he's just discovered that I'm female, for the first time in the past four years.

I expected this, and inside me, the bad girl smirks.

I may not be Kikyou, but I am a full blooded female, and I was damn well gonna use that for all it was worth.

Score for being alive.

* * *

Despite all this, I do not hope that this will make him love me.

In fact, for his sake, he should not love me any more then he loves any demon he comes across that tries to chop him in half. I am no longer a good investment in his health.

I will be his poison.

Or so the bad girl tells me. I believe her, because there is no one else to say she is wrong.

* * *

Miroku loves the make over. Inuyasha growls constantly, as though he can read the monks thoughts before they even take form.

I pretend to notice nothing.

I am sure he still sees her, though he does not seem completely satisfied.

I change nothing. I smile and play my part, the damsel in distress. I scream as monsters drag me off to lairs, I hug and sob and cling when he rescues me.

He holds me tighter in his arms, tells me no one will ever hurt me, and I squelch the part of me that wants to tell him it's too late for that.

Soon, he finds excuses to be near me, hold me, touch me.

I am oblivious, because I am a good girl who smiles and suspects nothing.

* * *

There are many forms of love.

There are more forms of hate.

Love and hate are the strongest emotions, and they are parts in all other emotions.

Some days I still think I am capable of love. But most days I smile and wait for the girl who's taken residence inside me to find the next step.

Most days, there is only hate.

It feels nice, because you fell nothing at all.

* * *

She feels it. The change.

She tries desperately to stop it, but it's too late. It's like diving out of the plane two seconds before you realize you don't have a parachute.

He has to choose, and while before he would've chosen her, a decision as easy as breathing, now he hesitates, his arms wrapped around my waist while she watches.

I think she knows, but she will not say the words that will condemn me, because I can say them back.

We are playing the same game. And while she has bound his soul with a promise, I have bound the rest of him with everything else.

Neither can have him whole without tearing him apart.

* * *

He stops seeing her.

I find it funny, that now that I barely want anything from him, he is all mine.

He is still the same, rash, rude, wild. I expected to feel something now, maybe forgiveness, to come crawling back through my pores like a bad habit.

But I feel nothing at all, only the emptiness I carry with me, always.

So I go on.

I wait for the sign, which one I do not know.

So I watch the sky, the birds, the trees, waiting for a moment that will end all this.

* * *

Sometimes I think of what could've been different.

But all the while I know I can't change how things are now. I can't go back to being the girl who tries to save the world.

Sometimes I wonder if there's anything left worth saving.

* * *

I do not feel alive today.

Heartless, cold. But there is still a pulse under my skin, and that alone feels like a surprise.

I need air, to breathe. I am so used to feeling nothing, that sometimes I forget I am still here at all.

I go to take a bath in the springs.

He follows and watches from the trees. It is easier then I thought it would be to manipulate him, though now, I have no space, no time, to be away from him.

I may have started an obsession.

I am loosing my thoughts.

Everything is overpowered by fake smiles.

* * *

I am not queen of hearts.

For the very first time, I feel like she would. Hollow. Dead. Fake.

Though my skin is warm, and blood runs through me, I have no more guarantees that I still remain.

I decide it is time.

I am not queen of hearts.

Only the broken ones.

* * *

After I take my bath, I slip on the rocks, right on the shore.

He catches me before I fall, like I knew he would.

He says nothing, just presses his lips to mine, finally, desperately.

I let my eyes fall closed, feel him next to me.

He pulls of his clothes, dropping them to the ground, and lays me carefully on top.

I feel like a porcelain doll, something he's afraid to break.

Also, because I don't think they feel much at all.

I don't feel much at all either.

His hands trace, trail, search. His mouth burns my skin with its intensity, and not once do I open my eyes.

Once he is inside, he struggles, pushes, harder and deeper into me.

This wasn't how it should've been, but life is a funny thing that way.

He clings to me afterwards, panting and clutching me to himself like I will float away.

I open my eyes, finally, and let him see just a glimpse of what resides behind the fake smiles, what I couldn't push back enough to open my eyes before.

I think it scares him.

* * *

It's not hard to convince him to leave me with Kouga for safe keeping while he takes the rest of the group to fight the demons.

And Kouga does not need much prompting.

As soon as we are alone, his arms wind around me and he smiles his wolfish grin. I realize I am dreading this much less then what happened with Inuyasha.

There is still something about him that makes me want to scream and cry and jump up and down in frustration that no one else can copy.

I can only thank God for that. Not that I imagine he's too happy with me at this very moment.

Inuyasha barges in right after it's over, and I raise the blanket higher, covering my skin from his angry eyes.

"What the hell are you doing?" he yells, which is typical and doesn't surprise me.

I do not smile, or apologize, or make excuses, because I do not need the façade anymore. This, right now, is what its all about.

"I think the right question is 'Who are you doing?' and the answer to that is pretty obvious." My eyes slide towards Kouga, who is grinning happily behind me, running his hand up and down my side. "Now get out Inuyasha, so I can put my clothes on."

"You stupid-." He starts.

"Get. Out. Inuyasha." I repeat slowly. I have no intention of making this easy for anyone. I do not feel bad, at all, when I see the despair in his eyes.

He doesn't like the change, but I love the power.

* * *

He yells all the way to the clearing while I ignore him. When he asks what I'm thinking, I tell him Kouga, just to get him riled up all over again.

In detail, I start to describe Kouga's body, descriptions I picked up from reading books in the R rated section of the library.

Inuyasha doesn't like that much either and storms off, disregarding any previous concerns he had about my safety, about my being a helpless little girl and all that.

In my head I wonder if I have a shirt low enough that'll convince Sesshoumaru to do me, since that should really get Inuyasha to crack.

When I walk through the clearing, everyone is staring at me. I shrug, heading for my bag.

"You slept with Kouga?" Miroku asks in confusion. For the first time I remember Miroku is also a guy, but I don't want to ruin whatever he might be trying to do with Sango.

"Yup." I answer shortly. I pull out two pills and a water bottle, swallowing both pills in one go. Getting pregnant is not in the plans.

"Why?" Sango asks.

"Why not?" I answer philosophically.

"Because she's a stupid slut that's why!" Inuyasha yells.

"Go fuck yourself Inuyasha." I tell him nicely.

"Why do that? I have you don't I? You seem to wanna do everyone in the 2 mile radius." He snarls back.

"Oh Inuyasha." I laugh. "You are so naïve. Here's the thing. You? You're never touching me again. That first time was bad enough. I expected better, but then again, screwing a clay pot probably isn't good practice, huh?"

He bristles. "You're never touching Kouga again." He warns.

"Or what Inuyasha?" I ask, arching a mocking brow. "You don't own me. You have no claim on me. I am not your wife. I am a single woman, and if I decided to screw Kouga again, you sure as hell aren't gonna be a deciding factor in that. And if I feel like screwing your brother, then so help me God I'll do him too."

I pulled a chocolate bar out of the bag, broke a piece off and popped it into my mouth. He charged towards me, probably to drag me off by my hair and teach me how women are supposed to behave.

Except he walked right into my shield. It fizzled, slamming him back. He shook his head, glared up at me from the floor.

"Careful Inuyasha. If you mess with fire, sooner or later, you're gonna get burned." I dropped the unfinished chocolate back in the bag.

"Why are you doing this?" He was still on the floor, staring at the ground instead of me.

"Just to prove you're not the only one who can play games." I glanced back before picking up my bag. "And to figure out if people always want what they can't have. They do, by the way."

* * *

Something new I'm trying, I know Kagome seems like a bitch here, but I kind of like her character like this. Too many people make her over into a goody-goody and it just bugs me. Anyways, tell me what you think.

P.S.: I have no idea who Kagome will end up with. Maybe she'll come back to him after all. XD


	2. Chapter 2: The Wicked Games We Play

* * *

**Dirty Promises. **

Chapter 2: _Such Wicked Games We Play._

* * *

_Now I can feel the needle break, deep inside of my veins.  
They try to tell me I'm insane, but they make me that way.  
So come and take me away.  
From this monster that you've made of me.  
I feel like dying, erasing all of these memories._

-**Brokencyde.**

* * *

I returned home. The warm blanket of time shifting was familiar but not comforting. Nothing felt quite safe anymore.

I didn't really have a plan further then this. All I knew was I still didn't forgive him.

Maybe I was just that cruel a person on the inside, but I wanted to hurt him more then this. He probably thought I was just doing this to make him want me.

Perhaps I was, but I wanted him to hurt.

I wanted him to want to die.

I wanted him to break.

He was a dog, after all.

You have to housebreak them sometime.

* * *

I returned the next day, still without a plan, but with new clothes.

Black booty shorts left little to the imagination, and a halter top hugged my breasts in a way that made it hard to focus on anything else. It was short enough that it didn't even cover my bellybutton. Black below the knee boots adorned my feet, with small bells tied on the sides. They tinkled with every step.

Inuyasha refused to look at me, while Miroku offered to carry my bag for me. I smiled, and agreed, asking him to rub sunscreen on my shoulders and back.

Miroku wasn't stupid. He knew I wasn't the naïve little miko anymore. Sango knew it too, and her eyes were less then friendly to me now. I thought we were better friends then that, but you can usually only count on yourself anyway.

His hands were softer then I expected. The hand with the wind tunnel held my hair out of the way, while the other then made slow circles against my skin. Inuyasha cursed and stormed off somewhere. In the distance, a tree crashed to the ground.

I smiled to myself. How predictable.

I thanked Miroku and packed the sunscreen away in the bag. Sango asked Miroku to go fetch an extra water container, and he regretfully disappeared.

She regarded me with cold brown eyes.

"Why are you doing this?" Her voice was emotionless. I've never had that voice directed at me before.

I shrugged, "Because I don't have a reason not to."

* * *

I was bored. Walking for hours and hours on end tended to get boring after 5 minutes. There's only so much scenery a city girl can take. I let my eyes scan the road. Trees, trees and more trees.

A good tour guide I was not. And I couldn't fake it either. The only thing keeping me from collapsing on the nearest rock and taking a nap was the distant pulse of power somewhere up ahead.

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but I was heading no warnings these days.

Plus, I was looking for things to do to piss off Inuyasha.

And I was bored.

So, like a good soldier, I marched on.

For now.

* * *

As soon as I saw Sesshoumaru, I had a plan.

Inuyasha was tense before we even got into seeing distance of the taller demon, his sword drawn.

He looked at me briefly before facing his half brother. I think he was wondering if I was planning to do anything stupid. I was, of course.

"Stay behind me, Kagome." He growled. He fought to decide who to focus on, me or Sesshoumaru. I made his decision for him.

"Hello, Sesshoumaru-same!" I bounced in front of Inuyasha, and even did a little bow that flashed even more cleavage.

Yes, I was feeling slightly psychotic. But the worst he could do was kill me, and I wasn't fearing too much for my safety these days. I mean, half of my traveling group wanted to kill me by now.

"Miko." He eyed me cautiously. His eyes, bright gold, so close to Inuyasha's, but then again, so different.

"How are you today?" I asked, because that is the way of us nice girls. I had 18 years of experience in being a nice girl. Its nice that it came in useful for something, other then letting me break my own heart.

"Fine." He said. His eyes flickered to Inuyasha and back to me. I could feel Inuyasha cursing me in his head. It was almost a physical force. I didn't care. "And you miko?"

"Bored, my lord." I smiled brightly, bouncing lightly on my feet. "Inuyasha doesn't provide for very good entertainment." I was waiting for him to pounce on me, and drag me off by my hair, or something like that. He growled. Loudly.

"No, I don't suppose he would." I could almost see him smile.

Good lord, Ice Prince had a sense of humour. Well, whaddoyouknow.

I tilted my head to the side, twirled a piece of hair. "May I ask where you are going, my Lord?" I sounded lightly curious, when in fact, I didn't care. I just wanted to go with him.

If I stayed around Inuyasha any longer, I would've smacked him.

Plus, I've always been fascinated by Sesshoumaru.

* * *

Sesshoumaru was carrying my bag.

Yes, it's so strange it seems impossible, but he was.

I ditched Inuyasha for his evil half brother. The only thing that might top this would be screwing Naraku, and I wasn't sure I was that brave. Or insane. He might try to kill me next time he sees me, but I could probably fix that. Must stick to the original plan.

I wondered, briefly, if I was going too far. Was this still revenge, or had I completely lost it?

I waited for some angel to pop up on my shoulder and encourage me to start being good again, but there was nothing.

Outside, I was cheerful and perhaps a little mean, but inside, I was hollow.

There was nothing.

Maybe I should find Naraku after all.

He'd probably love the idea too.

* * *

The sun has set and I'm lying on a blanket.

Sesshoumaru's leaning up against the tree, watching the moon like it'll tell him secrets. Maybe it will.

I get up slowly and take the blanket with me. Without looking at him, I spread it out next to him. I sit down, then lie against him, wrapping my arms around his waist. "I'm cold." I say, closing my eyes and leaning my head against his chest.

For a few second, nothing moves, then his arm snakes around my waist, and pulls me closer.

I can feel his heart beat, under his skin, and realise, almost amazedly, that Sesshoumaru is alive.

He's been untouchable for so long, I don't think he knows how to be human. But he's alive, and like everything alive, he needs comfort.

I almost want to pull away, because I don't want to have to fix him, if he's broken.

I almost feel cursed.

Is everything I touch doomed to break?

* * *

By morning, I am completely in his arms. He holds me so close I'm just barely breathing, but I don't move.

My leg is hooked over his hips, my arms wound around his neck.

He is sleeping.

I run my hands through silky silver hair and wonder how long it's been since he let someone touch him. He moves his face, tucking it into the crook of my neck.

He's warm, like I didn't think he would be.

I though he would be cold as ice, cold as his words, his eyes.

I press my lips to his temple, and close my eyes.

We are all human, still.

Even if we're broken.

* * *

There are things I don't want to understand. Like the fact that other people hurt.

I like living in my cold, icy prison. It blinds me, makes me unfeeling.

I need that. I need it to keep me going, to let me do what I want to, need to. It keeps me going.

I push my hair back, and look up at the sky.

The wood of the well feels smooth, softer then wood should.

I left Sesshoumaru. I didn't sleep with him. I couldn't, because he felt like me.

I never expected someone so strong to be able to break. And I didn't want to be the one to break him.

In the distance, I heard shouting, see a familiar flash of red.

With a deep breath, I let a happy smile grace my lips and wait for him to bounce into the clearing.

"Kagome!" He yells before I can see him. A red blur and he's in front of me. He looks mad, but it doesn't matter. I jump up and throw myself into his arms.

"Inuyasha! I missed you!!" I wrap my arms around his neck, and my legs around his waist, pressing myself into him completely. He is frozen for only a moment before his arms wrap around me too.

I pull back and look into his face, letting him see whatever he wants to in my eyes.

He smiles too, and his arms tighten around me.

His eyes are still cautious, so I press my lips to his and let him believe he has me again.

No, I will not hurt Sesshoumaru if I can help it.

But I will break Inuyasha, if it's the last thing I do.

* * *

Inuyasha stayed wrapped around me for the rest of the night. His head on my shoulder, occasionally planting soft kisses on my bare shoulders.

No one asked about Sesshoumaru and I didn't offer.

We laughed and smiled and Sango seemed more friendly then she did before. Maybe she thought everything would be okay now.

Inuyasha's hands played under the hem of my shirt, and I guess he thought so too.

It almost made me sad.

Almost.

I think I wanted to be sad, wanted to be something.

But no, I was just frozen, underwater, looking out.

I didn't let myself think too far ahead.

Despite my efforts, I knew there was a flaw with my plan.

Even if I broke Inuyasha, there was still no one who would fix me.

* * *

"Do not believe in fairy tales." My mother warned, when I was still a child. "Such things do not come true."

"But if I do not believe, the prince will not come." I say, childishly. Because only children can hope so blindly.

"No, he will not." She repeats, because her prince never came, and her fairy tale has long gone.

Some people don't dare dream of princes' at all.

* * *

As I lay curled on my side, arms wrapped around me, I had another of those moments where I wondered if I should just let things go.

I had him. I won him. Kikyou had no power over him now.

I closed my eyes and let myself pretend this is how it was supposed to be.

But no. I could not forgive and forget again.

This life wouldn't make me happy anymore.

I can't forget that.

* * *

I came back early, climbed out of the well, and found Sesshoumaru.

It seems he found me this time.

I tried to plaster my fake nice girl smile on but I think he saw me before that. Saw the emptiness, the hollowness, the pieces of a person who once was, pieces and nothing else.

He says nothing at all. He only comes to me, and we sit on the ground by the well, not saying anything at all.

Sometimes, silence means everything.

His hand is warm, and strong, and his eyes are still golden and the same.

But something else has changed.

I think it might have been me.

* * *

Its raining when I leave in the night, and Inuyasha is in his tree. He's been glaring at me ever since he sniffed out Sesshoumaru's scent on me.

He can growl all he wants cuz I'm leaving now.

He is human, but tired, and he sleeps, brows furrowed, eyes closed, heart on the edge of breaking.

Sesshoumaru meets me at the well, takes my bag, and with the rain pouring down over us, we walk away from the one who broke me.

* * *

Eventually the rain stops, as do we.

Under a giant old tree, I place one blanket, and the ground is almost not wet at all. But I'm soaked through to the bone.

Chilled, I pray that I do not get sick. I did not think I could still hope for things anymore.

Sesshoumaru slips off his shirt, and his skin is warmer then mine. I press my body to his, and he lays us on the blanket. I take another one from my bag to cover us. Curled up against him, I watch the sky glitter with stars, with my head over his heart, as it beats, the same as mine.

It still beats, even if we do not still feel alive.

* * *

He watches me wake up. The first thing I see is his eyes, and I think even if I forget everything else, I will remember them.

They are what the sun looks like, in the winter.

We have yet to speak, but no words come. There should be a million things to say but I can think of nothing at all, and maybe it's better that way.

Some things will remain unsaid between us, but we will know anyway.

* * *

Inuyasha is back, sword drawn, ugly words thrown in every direction. I watch him act like an insolent child who does not get his way.

How sad. How… predictable.

I go with him, because he will do foolish things if left to his own devices, and as much as I do not love him anymore, I'd rather not have to clean up his mess afterwards.

He is so like a child. Some people never grow up.

I almost wish I never did either.

But I know better then to wish. Wasted effort, kind of like breathing.

* * *

It is Naraku who finds me, not the other way around.

I was even going to try to hurt him, but he seemed to have other ideas.

Before I could find my arrows, he is before me and his lips are on mine. I am even too shocked to pull away, and I can feel him smile or smirk, and Inuyasha howls in the background, as his cloak wraps around us, and we are gone.

* * *

His castle is cleaner then I expected.

I wake up in bed, with crimson red eyes upon me. He watches me like I'm something to study, and I vaguely wonder if he's into dissecting his subjects.

"You are different, miko." his voice is silkier then I remember. Or maybe it's because he isn't laughing like a madman just now.

"And you are the same." I answer.

I do not bother with the nice girl mask anymore, it's flawed now. We watch each other half curiously.

"Why did you take me?" I ask once I am bored of memorizing his face.

"Fascination, perhaps."

Oh goody, I've attracted the attention of the Grim Reaper.

* * *

He leaves and comes back. Sometimes he does not say anything at all, just stares at me, in amusement, sometimes as though he is perplexed.

He is truly fascinated by what has become of me.

Does he see himself in me, or is it something new?

Maybe, I'm fascinated in return.

Or maybe his crimson eyes have made me mad.

* * *

I watch the ceiling as the door to my room swings open and he flows in.

I do not turn my gaze to him, because I expect he will just watch me again.

The ceiling is cracking and I focus on the spider web of imperfections as his face blocks my vision, and for the second time his lips are on mine. I am, for the second time, too shocked to do anything.

My eyes are wide, and he seems almost surprised himself. I do not move, do not breathe, and do not understand.

He leaves as abruptly, slamming the door closed on the way out, and I am once again watching the spider web of cracks, except it's lost my interest now, and I am fascinated by the monster.

Because I am a twisted child, and maybe I want to suffer this way, so I will fall in love with the devil just to see if I can get away.

* * *

Update! Hope you like it! Cuz it's just gonna keep getting more twisted. XD

Yes, Kagome's a bitch. And possibly on the verge of insanity, but if she was normal this story wouldn't work. Revenge isn't revenge if everyone is happy.

Feel free to tell me what you think, I need feedback.

Still haven't decided on a pairing.

Hope you love itttt, cuz I loved writting it! XD


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